A Collection Of Wacko News Items


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A Collection Of Wacko News Items

Postby gh » Fri Nov 11, 2005 2:18 pm

http://sfgate.com/news/bondage/

How can you resist stories like these?!

<<SF Gate Bondage File
November 11, 2005

Playtex Want A Cracker?
A Florida woman is accused of stuffing her brassiere with a rare parrot that she allegedly stole.

Mrs. Olson Is Shocked
An Iowa woman finds a dead turtle in her package of Folgers coffee.

Bambi Bounces
A flying deer hits a Modesto motorist who had got out to see if his car had struck a buck.

Nebraskans Hold Their Noses
Quarry pile "smells like it's a cross between death and vomit."

I See Dead People, Boss
Security guard fired for seeing ghosts -- but he can collect unemployment.

Toilet Man Sticks To His Story
Some doubt that he was glued to a Home Depot toilet seat, so he offers to take a polygraph.

The Worst Kind Of Sticker Shock
A man seeks $30,000 from his ex-girlfriend for gluing his genitals to his abdomen.

Too Phat To Escape On Foot
A suspected thief is tripped up by his baggy pants. He falls twice while being chased by police.

Police Arrest 'Belligerent Drunk Man'
He was the life of the Halloween party until he lived up to his costume.

3 Bedrooms, 2 Baths And 1 Bride
Buy a Denver home on eBay -- wife-to-be included! (See photos.)

Demon Accosts Good Samaritan Helping Vampire
"Imagine you're ... on this dark roadway, you have a hysterical woman beside you, and the devil jumps on your hood."

Battle To The Death In The Bedroom
It takes 40 minutes, but a man finally kills a buck with his bare hands.

Polygamous Judge Battles For Job
Hildale, Utah, Judge Walter Steed has three wives who are biological sisters.

Those Aren't Crumbs
A cabbie with a grudge is accused of sprinkling dried feces on baked goods at a grocery store.

There's A Humongous Fungus Among Us
Missourian finds a 56-pound mushroom -- and that was only the "small half" of it.

Teacher, Somebody Bit My Spoon
School district agrees to stop reusing plastic cutlery. "It's just gross," says kid.

Unable To Leap Tall Buildings
"I am Superman! Nothing can happen to me!" man says as he jumps out of a fourth-floor window.

Good Deed, Bad Aim
An Aussie trying to kill a friend's cow as a favor shoots a motorist instead.

Some Women Did Laugh At His 'Package'
This guy allegedly thought placing pics of his genitals in envelopes on women's cars "would be funny."

Expired Parking
Cop tickets a parked car, fails to notice the dead body slumped over the steering wheel.

Jail 'Bird' Gets His Wish
Defendant asks that his 30-year prison sentence be extended to 33 years to match Larry Bird's number.

'Mr. Floatie's' Mayoral Hopes Go Down The Tubes
"Of course I'm not a real person. I'm a big piece of poop."

Employees In Knife Fight Over Microwave Use
Police say Walgreens coworkers brawled over who gets to zap her soup first.

Reptiles Do The Darndest Things
Python explodes while trying to eat an alligator.

Santa's Reindeer Killed By Danish Air Force
Heart failure is ruled cause. Denmark compensates the part-time St. Nick.

Mail Enhancement
An unwanted package of 500 Viagra pills is delivered to pastor's home.

He Did The Dew
A convenience store says its worker admits urinating in a Mountain Dew that he served to a customer.


About
The Bondage File

Each week the Bondage File scours the globe for weird news. Updated every Friday and occasionally on other days.

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™ © 2005 Hearst Communications Inc.
gh
 
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Postby tafnut » Fri Nov 11, 2005 2:44 pm

Good stuff!

This was forwarded to me earlier this week:

THE BEST [actual] HEADLINES


Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
[Imagine that!]

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[Now that's taking things a bit far!]

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[Good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[Who would have thought!]

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[He probably IS the battery charge!]

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?!]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for having those beans before take-off!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
tafnut
 
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Location: Lost at C (-minus)

Postby guru » Fri Nov 11, 2005 3:00 pm

tafnut wrote:And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead



Word has it people were dying to get in.
guru
 
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