You:re waiting on a corner with a blind guy who goes by the name T-Bone Johnny - an old-style dude in his 70s digs who is playing a guitarre with two strings. Mr. Bone is singing his best rendition of Teenie-weenie String Bikini. Also occupying space and time is a female member of the local chapter of Organized Tax-Free Street Labour, finishing 3:rd shift - a person with seven teeth in her mouth. And lastly, an elderly woman who was ashamed of the aforementioned, Sally Streetwalker, arrived some minutes ago, loaned her overcoat to cover up evidence that it was chilly outside, and is waiting with her miniature schnauzer. The schnauzer has an orange bow tied around its head, and is barking at you from its spot in the baby carriage.
It just bugs me that the length of time that a traffic light remains RED is directly proportional to the degree to which I am in a hurry. When I have all the time in the world, the light turns green as I approach the intersection. If I'm late for something (invariably this will be the ONE time my wife has to wait for ME, instead of vice versa), not only will it just be turning red as I approach, the intersection will mysteriously sprout railroad tracks, the gates will come down, and a 114-car train will pass through at 0.04 mph. Then it will back up and stop. Then once it proceeds again and the barriers go up, someone will run the intersection, there will be a horrific collision and then gridlock for an hour, and THEN, as the intersection is cleared, the cops there will pull me over to inform me that my right rear brake light is out and that's a $25 fine.
tafnut wrote:It just bugs me that the length of time that a traffic light remains RED is directly proportional to the degree to which I am in a hurry.
Similar problem, different venue at lunch today. I’m at the grocery store. It is not often that I qualify for the express lane, but today is one. (Four jars of PB, 3 8-roll packs of paper towels – mr. & mrs. hammy know how to have a good time!)
Two people in front of me. First one takes – literally - two minutes to get her money on the counter. She’s old and God bless her and all, but damn – this is the Express line. Next person has one package of children’s food of some kind. Turns out she doesn’t want to buy this one – she wants someone to go find one of a different flavor. I’m dying here. You know, I have an employer and all who would like me back in the office sometime today. I was a bit agitated, but managed not to kill anyone.
i have zero patience. i mean zero. i move at a differant speed than almost every single person i come in contact with. i wouldnt want to be late to my own execution. i say im not in a hurry, im just economical, but im probably insane. i notice every moment im held up by people i want to kill. do you feel better bad hammy?
Actually, I think I handled it OK (no dead bodies, just entertained myself with the possibilities) and kept my blood pressure under control. Next time I'll buy more stuff so that I am forced into the faster lines.
Its late in the day and I chatting with my buds over here on the t&fn forums, someone responded to the Steroid Bill thread I revived (although no one has indicated what a witty bastard I am for coming up with those new links ), so yeah, I feel pretty good. Thank you for your concern.
What really bugs me is when the person ahead of me in the grocery store waits until the cashier has scanned everything before getting their check book out and begin writing the check...sorry mojo, but it's nearly always a woman! Also at the grocery store I get irritated when the cashier says, "Is that all for you today?", when you've unloaded your stuff...errr...Yes, that's why I'm standing here...
basically life is 90% waiting for something incredible or fun to happen. ok 99 %. you could be on fire every secound but crack cocaine is really destructive. you end up stealing from people you like. so we wait and wait. and i have to tell you in the moments it took me to type this nothin of importance has occured. oh my god now im doin it to you! stealing time you can never get back with this rubbish.
marknhj wrote:sorry mojo, but it's nearly always a woman!
Partly because, as I almost always notice, women are almost exclusively the ones who actually write checks when shopping. Sometimes a real old guy, but it is my experience that guys use cards or cash.
I love how i represent all womankind here!
No offense taken at all. I agree with you.
I live in the elderly capital of Canada and my neighbourhood is the elderly capital of this capital.
I seriously have to dodge moterized scooters, canes and walkers every time I walk down a street.
Old ladies here do not write cheques- they wait until all the groceries have been scanned then fumble in a big old bag for a tiny change purse. They slowly and carefully take out a wad of money and unroll each bill. Next we have the coins which must be brought close to the face for inspection.
I twitch and sigh and have to put my hands behond my back so as to keep from grabbing the god dammned purse and do it myself.
The problem is I look kind and patient and so that encourages them.
My family is under strict orders to watch for signs of this doddering on my part. I am to be summarily executed.
Epelle- your questions are very cool. I avoid answering them however!