A different take on Starbucks


A place for the discussion of all things not closely related to the sport and its competitive side. (as always, locked for the duration of major international championship)

A different take on Starbucks

Postby mojo » Mon Oct 31, 2005 9:47 am

This is Jackie Mason's take on Starbuck's.

If I said to you, "I have a great idea for a business. I'll open a whole new type of coffee shop. Instead of charging 60 cents for coffee. I'll charge $2.50, $3.50, $4.50, and $5.50. Not only that, I'll have no tables, no chairs, no water, no free refills, no waiters, no busboys,
serve it in cardboard cups, & have the customer clean up for 20 minutes after they're finished."

Would you say to me, "That's the greatest idea for a business I ever heard! We can open a chain of these all over the world!"

No, you would put me right into a sanitarium. And it's burnt coffee! It's burnt coffee at Starbuck's, be honest about it. If you get burnt coffee in a coffee shop, you call a cop. You say,"It's the bottom of the pot. I don't drink from the bottom of the pot.

But when it's burnt at Starbuck's, they say, "Oh, it's a special roast. It's a special bean from Argentina....."
The bean is in your head!!! I know burnt!!!

You want coffee in a coffee shop, that's 60 cents. But at Starbuck's, if it's Cafe Latte: $3.50. Cafi Creamier: $4.50. Cafi Suisse: $9.50. For each French word, another $4.00. Why does a little cream in coffee make it worth $3.50?

Go into any coffee shop; they'll give you all the cream you want until you're blue in the face. 40 million people are walking around in coffee shops with pitchers of cream: "Here's all the cream you want!"

And it's still 60 cents. You know why? Because it's called "coffee."

You want cinnamon in your coffee? Ask for cinnamon in a coffee shop; they'll give you all the cinnamon you want. Do they ask you for more money because it's cinnamon? It's the same price for cinnamon in your
coffee as for coffee without cinnamon - 60 cents, that's it.

But not in Starbucks. Over there, it's Cinnamonnier - $9.50. You want a refill in a regular coffee shop, they'll give you all the refills you want until you drop dead. You can come in when you're 27 and keep drinking coffee until you're 98. And they'll start begging you: "Here,
You want more coffee?"

Do you know that you can't get a refill at Starbucks? A refill is $1.50, 2 refills, $4.50, 3 refills, $19.50. So, for 4 cups of coffee - $35.00.

And there're no chairs in those Starbucks. Instead, they have these high stools. You ever see these stools? You haven't been on a chair that high since you were 2. Seventy-three year old Jews are climbing & climbing to
get to the top of the chair. And when they get to the top, they can't even drink the coffee because there's 12 people around one little table, and everybody's saying, "Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me....." Then they
can't get off the chair.

Do you remember what a cafeteria was? In poor neighborhoods all over this country, they went to a cafeteria because there were no waiters and no service. And so poor people could save money on a tip.

Cafeterias didn't have regular tables or chairs either. They gave coffee to you in a cardboard cup. So because of that you paid less for the coffee. You got less, so you paid less.

It's all the same at Starbucks - no chairs, no service, a cardboard cup for your Coffee - except in Starbucks, the less you get, the more it costs. By the time they give you nothing, it's worth 4 times as much!

Am I exaggerating? Did you ever try to buy a cookie in Starbuck's? Buy a cookie in a regular coffee shop. You can tear down a building with that cookie. And the whole cookie is 60 cents. At Starbuck's, you're going to
have to hire a detective to find that cookie and it's $9.50. And you can't put butter on it because they want extra.

Do you know that if you buy a bagel, you pay extra for cream cheese in Starbuck's? Cream cheese, another 60 Cents. A knife to put it on, 32 cents. That bagel costs you $3.12. And they don't give you the butter or the cream cheese. They don't give it to you. They tell you where it is.

"Oh, you want butter? It's over there. Cream cheese? Over here. Sugar? Sugar is here." Now you become your own waiter. You walk around with a tray. "I'll take the cookie. Where's the butter? The butter's here. Where's the cream cheese? The cream cheese is there."

You walked around for an hour and a half selecting items, and then the guy at the cash register has a glass in front of him that says "Tips." You're waiting on tables for an hour, and you owe him money?

Then there's a sign that says please clean it up when you're finished. They don't give you a waiter or a busboy. Now you've become the janitor. Only Starbuck's can get away with it because they have French titles.

And I say this with the highest respect, because I don't like to talk about people.

I sure agree about the burnt taste!

Long live Tim Horton's! 8) 8)
mojo
 
Posts: 5519
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:32 am
Location: at the finish line freezing my butt off

Postby Vern » Mon Oct 31, 2005 10:02 am

Trying hard to think of anything nice to say about Starbucks (actually that's bollocks), and I can only come up with....

Not one in Norway!!! Long may it continue..
Vern
 

Postby Daisy » Mon Oct 31, 2005 10:41 am

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/l ... ks29m.html

Have you read about their quotes on cups uproar? Storm in a coffee cup?

They are already in trouble with the following
QUOTE from link above
A national Christian women's organization is accusing the Seattle-based coffee maker of promoting a homosexual agenda because of a quote by author Armistead Maupin.

Maupin's quote — one of several dozen in "The Way I See It" promotion — says his only regret about being gay is that he repressed it for so long.

"I surrendered my youth to the people I feared when I could have been out there loving someone. Don't make that mistake yourself. Life's too damn short."
END QUOTE

they may also have been in trouble with an “quote on evolution from paleontologist Louise Leakey”

Starbucks solicited customer contributions for 2006 and will now starting to go the “in and out burger” route with religious quotes too!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/usatoday/200510 ... uoteoncups

Looks like their marketing ploy is to provoke everyone. My bet is it will work wonders and everyone will be buying more coffee. If nothing else they are getting a lot of free advertising.
Daisy
 
Posts: 13153
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:32 am

Postby gh » Mon Oct 31, 2005 11:10 am

am I the only one who doesn't get this whole coffee thing? Basically don't drink the stuff and have never set foot in a Starbucks.
gh
 
Posts: 46295
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:31 am
Location: firmly at Arya's side!

Postby mojo » Mon Oct 31, 2005 11:14 am

I can't imagine life with out coffee! :shock: :shock:



but I am not addicted. :?
mojo
 
Posts: 5519
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:32 am
Location: at the finish line freezing my butt off

Postby SQUACKEE » Mon Oct 31, 2005 11:24 am

one mornin recently, my wife and i realized we had no coffee. we were cranky and tired. but also not addicted at all! :evil: :roll: :twisted: :P :x 8)
SQUACKEE
 
Posts: 12885
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:32 am
Location: Heaven-In front of stereo listenin to re-mastered Beatles

Postby EPelle » Mon Oct 31, 2005 11:43 am

Mojo, thanks for the interesting article. Great reading. One thing I enjoyed about Starbucks:

Image

Mocha Frapuccino®.
EPelle
 
Posts: 21442
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:32 am

Postby mojo » Mon Oct 31, 2005 1:21 pm

I bet you get very good coffee in Sweden- very strong too I imagine!
I am used to BIG mugs of coffee and find the tiny cups in Europe abit disconcerting (and expensive). Us North Americans like our coffee supersized! :oops: :oops:

Also please tell me you don't have Starbucks there??? :x
mojo
 
Posts: 5519
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:32 am
Location: at the finish line freezing my butt off

Postby lonewolf49 » Mon Oct 31, 2005 8:46 pm

I spent 19 years in the US Army and Reserves and 50 years in the oil patch (some overlap) and I never learned to drink coffee. Tastes terrible. Addictive. No redeeming value.
Jackie Mason has it right about Starbucks. I do wish I had bought the stock though.
lonewolf49
 
Posts: 226
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:32 am

Postby EPelle » Mon Oct 31, 2005 10:42 pm

mojo wrote:I bet you get very good coffee in Sweden- very strong too I imagine!
I am used to BIG mugs of coffee and find the tiny cups in Europe abit disconcerting (and expensive). Us North Americans like our coffee supersized! :oops: :oops:

Also please tell me you don't have Starbucks there??? :x


Interesting thing with Starbucks and Sweden:

Sweden.se wrote:18 Jan 2005

Starbucks turns to Swedish design

Starbucks, the global coffee house chain, has commissioned Swedish designers to produce a new range of mugs, cups and other crockery for the company’s 8,000 outlets around the world.The order is a high-profile boost for Sweden’s booming design industry as well as a personal coup for Design House Stockholm, which will design the products. Story Here...


No Starbucks here ... last one I had seen was in Berlin near Checkpoint Charlie. Take a ferry ride to England, and one can choose from the 431 retail stores spread across the land.
EPelle
 
Posts: 21442
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:32 am

Postby Bob H » Tue Nov 01, 2005 6:27 pm

I was in Beijing earlier this year. You walk through immigration and customs and come through the doors and out into the terminal and what do you see right in front of you? Yup, a Starbucks just like the ones in US airports.
Bob H
 
Posts: 413
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:31 am

Postby MJD » Wed Nov 02, 2005 5:50 am

I like coffee but I don't get the Tim Horton's addiction thing. I don't even like the stuff but people really get hooked on Horton's. There are 15 of them in Brantford for 100,000 people.
MJD
 
Posts: 13402
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:31 am

Postby Kobayashi » Wed Nov 02, 2005 9:39 am

I hated coffee when I was a kid. My parents told me I'd start to like coffee and jazz when I turned 30. They were right. Now I am well into my 30s I enjoy nothing more than listening to jazz in Starbucks.
Kobayashi
 
Posts: 162
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:32 am

Postby MJD » Wed Nov 02, 2005 9:52 am

I was 18, 30 years ago, when I started working where I am now. First thing they did was show me where the coffee was. Didn't drink it at the time but decided that it must have been a job requirement.
MJD
 
Posts: 13402
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:31 am


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot] and 6 guests