ROTFLMAO Big Time. Really, Can't Stop . . . Need Help . . .


A place for the discussion of all things not closely related to the sport and its competitive side. (as always, locked for the duration of major international championship)

ROTFLMAO Big Time. Really, Can't Stop . . . Need Help . . .

Postby bad hammy » Fri Nov 04, 2005 10:28 am

You never know where you are going to find good humor. While writing my little review about the Alex Hammy book over on Amazon I came across this prolific reviewer. Haven't had such a good laugh in a long time.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/cdp/member-rev ... 87-2567935

"First, I must say that I am a professional Educationalist at the worl-famous ELITE institue of Berlitz---basically Harbard, Princeton and Yale all rolled into one. Therefor, you can get perspective on my intelletual ability to critque this tome. "

I sent a little note to the folks at Berlitz – they are looking into it . . .
Last edited by bad hammy on Fri Nov 04, 2005 12:20 pm, edited 2 times in total.
bad hammy
 
Posts: 10881
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:32 am

Re: ROTFLMAO

Postby Daisy » Fri Nov 04, 2005 10:37 am

Thanks for the heads up Hammy those reviews are hilarious. Let's hope they are a parody. Did you see the review for Tickle His Pickle?
Daisy
 
Posts: 13153
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:32 am

Re: ROTFLMAO

Postby bad hammy » Fri Nov 04, 2005 10:50 am

Daisy wrote:Did you see the review for Tickle His Pickle?

Actually I had not gone that far down his list. Keep going - he is tickling more than his pickle . . .
bad hammy
 
Posts: 10881
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:32 am

Re: ROTFLMAO

Postby Daisy » Fri Nov 04, 2005 11:13 am

bad hammy wrote:
Daisy wrote:Did you see the review for Tickle His Pickle?

Actually I had not gone that far down his list. Keep going - he is tickling more than his pickle . . .


I see what you mean! I had stopped at the pickles. His interleckt knows no bounds. Mental note: don't work for Berlitz.
Daisy
 
Posts: 13153
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:32 am

Postby tafnut » Fri Nov 04, 2005 11:27 am

That is good stuff - here's another excerpt:

"First, I am a professional educationalist (educationalist is to educater as linguist is to talker) at the world reknowned Berlitz Langauge Schools with training second to none--most especially those with MA in TESOL.

I teach English for a living. Having gone through the full 1.5 week, 8-hour per day Berlitz training. I have personally educated many students form children to adults. Frankly, this book is absurd. Whoever wrote it certainly could never work at Berlitz and I have to wonder if he ever got out of theorizing and into professional level education teaching actual L2 larners instead of student teachers."
tafnut
 
Posts: 26684
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:31 am
Location: Lost at C (-minus)

Postby bad hammy » Fri Nov 04, 2005 11:58 am

Honestly, I don't know where to stop with this guy. From his online bio:

"I am a professional Educationalist at the famous Berlitz language schools. I have a pretty good idea of what a good book is or isn't because of my professional training and background. I have also been reading since I learned how too.

In my free time I play video games, enjoy whine tasting, and read good books which are often fiction but aas a professional educationalist, I occasionally delve into non-fiction such as history, social services, economitrecs, astrology and such so as to provide correct and accurate information to my students.

I am now in Japan but was teaching in Korea for 3 years and then left to come to Japan. I considered myself as specializing in conversational aspects of the modern English languge as poken by native speakers. I am also quite well versed at grammer and can proofread a book as I read it in addition to providing quality lessons to foreigners. I am also highly skilled for teaching kids---in fact I do teach the young children for Berlitz."

I have also been reading since I learned how too . . . enjoy whine tasting . . . I considered myself as specializing in conversational aspects of the modern English languge as poken by native speakers. I am also quite well versed at grammer and can proofread a book as I read it in addition to providing quality lessons to foreigners.

It just doesn't get much better than this . . .
bad hammy
 
Posts: 10881
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:32 am

Postby tafnut » Fri Nov 04, 2005 12:06 pm

enjoy whine tasting


I just forwarded that gem to the whole faculty. We are all really good at that!
tafnut
 
Posts: 26684
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:31 am
Location: Lost at C (-minus)

Postby bad hammy » Fri Nov 04, 2005 12:19 pm

As one who enjoys the occasional libation I shouldn't pick on this, but this part of his bio may help explain things:

"If I had a month off, I'd do what I often do on my days off---do a little bar hopping."

Maybe he stops between his bar hopping and tickling his pickle to write book reviews. Or maybe he bar hops, and then types this stuff one handed while tickling his pickle. Whatever, his writing is certainly more entertaining than that of the guy who ruined that Alex Hammy book.
bad hammy
 
Posts: 10881
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:32 am

Postby bad hammy » Fri Nov 04, 2005 1:28 pm

OK, this bon mot on a book titled Japan's Policy Trap: Dollars, Deflation, and the Crises of Japanese Finance

“I am a professional educationalist that lives in Japan and I like to read alot of Japanese books. This one was very difficult, even for and intellectual like me to engulf. There is alot of talk about money, strangely mostly yen and dollars, but most of it indeciferable unless you are a bank teller.”

Imagine that, mostly talking about yen and dollars . . .


Or this one concerning a book about the Japanese educational system:

“As a professional educationalist at the world-famous Berlitz language schools in Japan I see a lot of the produce of the Japanese education system so I speak from a position to have expertese on the subject. Yes, there are some troubles in Japanese education, but what about American and other countries? Don't they have troubles too?”

I guess the Japanese have agricultural schools, just like we do. And yes, the American system apparently has a few problems too.



Oh, and this comment on the book 1776:

“I would have like to have seen real photos (instead of black and white paintings)of Washington and his crew and of George the King, but the writer included none.”

Yes, real photos of Washington and 'his crew' would be interesting.


And it never hurts to suck up to management. As he mentions about a Berlitz pocket guide:

“This tome deserves 6 stars. Written by the intelletuals of Berlitz, the most famous elite langauge institute in history whom apply their intellect to travel with similar results to applying it to langauge. Unchallangable. By it, you won't regret it.”



Must stop . . .
bad hammy
 
Posts: 10881
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:32 am

Postby Vern » Fri Nov 04, 2005 1:31 pm

Wonderful stuff!
Vern
 

Postby lonewolf49 » Fri Nov 04, 2005 2:45 pm

Duh... not being a professional educationalist, I can't figure out if this guy is for real.. If it is a spoof, someone is an extremely talented spoofer.. it takes talent to deliberately write that poorly.. admittedly, I may do so unintentionally but.....
lonewolf49
 
Posts: 226
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:32 am

Postby gh » Fri Nov 04, 2005 2:53 pm

Reads like Harvard Lampoon; I think somebody is having y'all on.
gh
 
Posts: 46335
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:31 am
Location: firmly at Arya's side!

Postby bad hammy » Fri Nov 04, 2005 3:14 pm

gh wrote:Reads like Harvard Lampoon; I think somebody is having y'all on.

Possible, but I don't think so. For one, there are 34 or so of these things. That takes time. Second, most of the books are so obscure that no one would find them. If you are going to take the time, take the time where people are going to find it and admire your work. The Alex Hammy and 1776 books are the only current mainstream books he reviewed. If it were me, I'd be doing reviews of more common books.

Either way, I've enjoyed it. I'm going with 'there for real" until proven otherwise.
bad hammy
 
Posts: 10881
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:32 am

Postby gh » Fri Nov 04, 2005 3:35 pm

Satch scores again! :-)
gh
 
Posts: 46335
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:31 am
Location: firmly at Arya's side!

Postby bad hammy » Sun Nov 06, 2005 6:06 pm

Surprise, surprise - he has a blog: http://proteacher.blogspot.com/2005_10_ ... chive.html
bad hammy
 
Posts: 10881
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:32 am

Postby tafnut » Mon Nov 07, 2005 3:58 am

his profile: http://www.blogger.com/profile/11523709

I find it very refreshing that someone of his staggering intellectual prowess would share his brilliant insights with us drooling knuckle-draggers. Usually people like him have such huge egos that they have no desire to slum around with fools like us! :)
tafnut
 
Posts: 26684
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:31 am
Location: Lost at C (-minus)

Postby bad hammy » Tue Nov 08, 2005 4:48 pm

All of his reviews and his blog are gone!! :evil: :evil: Damn, maybe I shouldn't have contacted the Berlitz folks. Oh well, some of the best quotes live on here at T&FN.

Garry/Ben: Please, never kill this thread. I want to return every week of so just to LMAO . . .
bad hammy
 
Posts: 10881
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:32 am

Postby tafnut » Tue Nov 08, 2005 4:57 pm

like the Chesire Cat, all that remains of him is OUR smile (re - his profile):

"I love teaching. I have 40 hours of Berlitz high quality education. I finished high school and drifted from many jobs because employers did not recognize my intelletual ability---until Berlitz. Now I work at one of the most famous elite institutes on earth with other profound intelletual scholars. Finally, I have found a employer equal to my intellet, knowlege, and ability in teaching English to foriegners. I am so happy to be a scholar at Berlitz."
tafnut
 
Posts: 26684
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:31 am
Location: Lost at C (-minus)

Re: ROTFLMAO Big Time. Really, Can't Stop . . . Need Help .

Postby Daisy » Tue Nov 08, 2005 5:09 pm

You and your big mouth Hammy :shock: :lol:

What wil do for laughs now :?:


:P BUT WAIT!!!!! Google cache lives!!!!!! :P


Dan "Berlitz Pro-Teacher" Tinder said...

What business is it of yours what my native language is? Do non-native speaqkers have to tell you before you allow them the great honor of speaking with you? Do you assume that non-native speakers make grammer mistakes and natives don't? I am a busy educationalist at Berlitz. I do not have time to proofreed things. An educated person could deal with it.

If your such a grammer expert, answer the grammer teast I posted.

I do not say I am above others, but itis a fact that we at Berlitz know that we are the world standard of language educationalists. Just ask Berlitz.

For one who obviously has noi clew of teaching a foreign langauge, who has no idea of where other bloggers live, to call these people frauds would make one believe that you think you are above others.

I shall now lie down my intelletual sword, having slew another liteweight challenge for Jane Sixpack, a wannabe educationalist. I will thank you for providing fool fodder for my educational, philosophical erudations. You will be m example often.

Busy, busy

I humbly apologize to those who have been awaiting my advice on securing employment at Berlitz. I will continue soon but I am a little busy now, and I had forgotten my blog password and had to find it again. Of course, Berlitz Japan is now actively hiring so get your application package in if you wish to be considered for the very challenging, demanding, and intelletually rewarding career of a Berlitz Pro.

Berlitz Japan. Full-time and part-time positions for English instructors available immediately in the greater Tokyo area. Excellent benefits and flexible hours. Contact hrlc.berlitz.com to apply

posted by Dan "Berlitz Pro-Teacher" Tinder @ 12:09 AM0 commentslinks to this post
Saturday, October 08, 2005

I have been Busy

I am sorry that as of this point in time that I have not continued upon my mission to inform those of you whom aspire to be a professional Berlitzer about the IS interview. I shall continue that later, but this weeken is party-time again.

I am about to leave for our Saturday night party in Shibuya. It is a 3 day weekend so after we finished work today we agreed to have some down time together. Those whom recall our last party remember it was a real Berlitz shindig, with drawers down and butts exposed. We don't have a real plan tonight, but we do it on the fly---it's the way of a true Berlitzer.

Got to depart now. Will report on owr party later. GO BERLITZ!!!!

posted by Dan "Berlitz Pro-Teacher" Tinder @ 10:04 PM0 commentslinks to this post
Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Steps in Becoming a Professional Educationalist at Berlitz.

Many people dream of becoming a Berlitz pro. I shall provide some sense of the rigorous recruitment process that a potential Berlitzer must endure to obtain the lofty goal of being a Berlitz scholar. I must warn you that it is not easy, nor is it for those who haven't been blessed witha keen intellet like all Berlitz pros are.

The first step is the application process. You may see an ad by Berlitz recruiting instructors who want to help create a langauge barrier free world. Sometimes these ads say TESOL certicfication and teaching experiance is needed. This isn't really true. College education in TESOL is not useful at Berlitz because what we do has little to do with that. Instead, if you are one of the chosen few, you will get 40 hours of intensive and grueling high quality Berlitz training which Berlitz says is the envy of the eikaiwa world in Japan.

After you send in you resumi, Berlitz HR, Chris the Man, may contact you and send you a questionaire. This digs deeply into your intellet. For example--"What are the 3 most improtant things in teaching a good class?" I will give you the benefit of professional Berlitz knowlege. The answer is, "As long as the studnets enjoy it and think that they learned something, you can do what you want." Now that is the unofficial, unadvertised Berlitz standard. So don't say that yet, but keep it in mind when answering. This is where the college educated MA in TESOL fool gets in trouble. Don't take it too seriously, but don't duff it.

Then the filtering starts. Probably only 99% of the 20% who return the questionare will be invited to an extremely competitive group interview. At this severe evaluation, Berlitz HR is very clever. You will expect grilling about your knowlege and intellet etc, but Berlitz HR, led by Chris the Man, makes it seem like you are just sitting sround chatting about Berlitz and eikaiwa teaching. But being as sharp as a Shick razor, Chris can spot the Berlitz-type quickly. Within hours you may be offered an interview with your potential IS. Again the filter tightens and another .5-1% do not continue past this point.

Tomorrow, the grueling interview with a seasoned, grizzeled Berlitz pro, your IS.
:P :P
Daisy
 
Posts: 13153
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:32 am

Postby bad hammy » Tue Nov 08, 2005 6:35 pm

"I shall now lie down my intelletual sword, having slew another liteweight challenge for Jane Sixpack, a wannabe educationalist. I will thank you for providing fool fodder for my educational, philosophical erudations. You will be m example often."

I love this guy. Long live Dan "The Intelletual Berlitz Educationalist" Tinder!! :lol: :P :lol:

Oh, my contact at Berlitz is doing the Sergeant Schultz: ‘I know nothink!” :wink: :shock:
bad hammy
 
Posts: 10881
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:32 am

Postby Per Andersen » Tue Nov 08, 2005 10:15 pm

'Where did you learn your English?'
'At the Berlitz school, sir'
'Tell me about it', Johnson said. 'Were the Berlitz undergraduates
a wild lot? What about all this necking and petting? Were there
many smoothies? Did you run into Scott Fitzgerald?'
'Please?'
'I mean were your college days the happiest days of your life?
What sort of team did Berlitz have last fall?'
'You are joking, sir?'
'Only feebly,' said Johnson.

Ernest Hemingway in "Homage to Switzerland"
Per Andersen
 
Posts: 3737
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:31 am

Postby tafnut » Wed Nov 09, 2005 5:39 am

I think this guy has done for intellectual discourse what William Hung did for singing! :)
tafnut
 
Posts: 26684
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:31 am
Location: Lost at C (-minus)

Postby bad hammy » Wed Nov 09, 2005 5:58 am

I’m still pondering whether the fact that his reviews and blog are gone indicates that he actually is or is not a Berlitz employee. It seems kind of obvious that my contacting Berlitz led to the disappearance of these classics. On the one hand, he could really be an employee who was contacted by management with a rather blunt request to stop embarrassing the company. On the other hand, he could be someone who has it in for Berlitz, who was contacted by company lawyers with a ‘cease and desist, or else’ request. I’m still trying to get a glimmer of info out of Sergeant Schultz, but am not hopeful.
bad hammy
 
Posts: 10881
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:32 am

Postby lonewolf49 » Wed Nov 09, 2005 9:13 am

It was funny for a while but, if it was not a joke, it is rather pathetic
lonewolf49
 
Posts: 226
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:32 am

Postby Daisy » Wed Nov 09, 2005 9:29 am

lonewolf49 wrote:It was funny for a while but, if it was not a joke, it is rather pathetic


IF it's not a joke? It has to be a joke, no one could craft such gems accidently.
Daisy
 
Posts: 13153
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:32 am

Postby Jon » Wed Nov 09, 2005 9:38 am

Daisy wrote:no one could craft such gems accidently.
xcrunner's "Is Kenya at altitude?" post comes to mind.
Jon
 
Posts: 9231
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:32 am

Postby bad hammy » Wed Nov 09, 2005 9:50 am

Daisy wrote:
lonewolf49 wrote:It was funny for a while but, if it was not a joke, it is rather pathetic


IF it's not a joke? It has to be a joke, no one could craft such gems accidently.

I'm still holding out (please, please, please) for not a joke. My main irrationalization for believing this is the obscure books most of his reviews covered. Someone doing this as a joke would go more mainstream.
bad hammy
 
Posts: 10881
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:32 am

Postby bad hammy » Thu Jan 05, 2006 3:25 pm

The potential TAFNY nomination (see 2005 TAFNIES thread) prompted me to look this guy up again (Dan "Berlitz Pro-Teacher" Tinder). He has resurfaced at Amazon as ScholarDan. No mention of Berlitz, and so far not nearly as many reviews. Same guy though. And he claims to be Canadian - that explains a lot. :lol: :P

http://www.amazon.com/gp/pdp/profile/A3 ... 21-2651363
bad hammy
 
Posts: 10881
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:32 am

Postby tafnut » Thu Jan 05, 2006 3:32 pm

I used to think that guy was f'real, but this latest entry has two many red flags in it - it HAS to be a put-on!! Assuming it is a hoax, it's sad and funny simultaneously. If I believed anything the guy writes, I would be morally obligated to Baker Act him and put him away for his own good. :D
tafnut
 
Posts: 26684
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:31 am
Location: Lost at C (-minus)

Postby Daisy » Thu Jan 05, 2006 3:44 pm

tafnut wrote:I used to think that guy was f'real, but this latest entry has two many red flags in it - it HAS to be a put-on!! Assuming it is a hoax, it's sad and funny simultaneously. If I believed anything the guy writes, I would be morally obligated to Baker Act him and put him away for his own good. :D


One of his interests includes "Canadian babes the hottest on earth". What do you think mojo?
Daisy
 
Posts: 13153
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:32 am

Postby gh » Thu Jan 05, 2006 3:48 pm

bad hammy wrote:The potential TAFNY nomination (see 2005 TAFNIES thread) prompted me to look this guy up again (Dan "Berlitz Pro-Teacher" Tinder). He has resurfaced at Amazon as ScholarDan. No mention of Berlitz


Look at the top of the page.
gh
 
Posts: 46335
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:31 am
Location: firmly at Arya's side!

Postby bad hammy » Thu Jan 05, 2006 3:52 pm

gh wrote:
bad hammy wrote:No mention of Berlitz

Look at the top of the page.

Yeah, I saw that after posting. I was just so excited he was back online I missed it!!
bad hammy
 
Posts: 10881
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:32 am

Postby gh » Thu Jan 05, 2006 3:55 pm

He also left out that he's one of the chief creators of content for Wikipedia.
gh
 
Posts: 46335
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:31 am
Location: firmly at Arya's side!

Postby bad hammy » Thu Jan 05, 2006 3:56 pm

tafnut wrote:I used to think that guy was f'real, but this latest entry has two many red flags in it - it HAS to be a put-on!!

Maybe we can buy him a book off of his wish list and see if he sends a thank you card. I'd suggest The Earth, My Butt and Other Big Round Things. http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/regis ... L2EERR65B0
bad hammy
 
Posts: 10881
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:32 am

Postby tandfman » Thu Jan 05, 2006 6:23 pm

From the number of what appear to be simple typographical errors, I would infer that he went to the SQUACKEE school of keyboarding. :)
tandfman
 
Posts: 15043
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:31 am

Postby lonewolf » Thu Jan 05, 2006 6:43 pm

Yep, ;that's him.. only so many "intelletuals" out there..
lonewolf
 
Posts: 8816
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:32 am
Location: Indian Territory


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 7 guests